Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
