Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she smelled like a LAN party
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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