Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
