Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
