Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
