Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
