he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
