I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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