i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
