I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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