pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
