remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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