please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
