people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So many bounce houses so little time
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
