That's when you crack a 10am beer
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
