Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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