Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
