dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
