Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize