"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
