rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
