You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
