Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
