She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
