I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
