I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
