did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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