I faked an abortion last night.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
