I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
