My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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