Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
