So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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