i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
