ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It was confusing and full of hummus
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
