apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
