Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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