you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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