forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
