My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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