I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
