I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
