I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
