no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
