I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
