I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
