I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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