You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
