oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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