Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pooping to opera.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
