Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Are my feet made of real feet?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
