Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
