I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
