What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
