I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
