well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
