There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
