I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
