Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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