giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
