I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
only if we run a train.
done.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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