Betty ford says i'm here all night
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
