i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
