Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
