I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
