You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
