eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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